Dan Bouk, in congress with himself and various fictional luminaries, calls for the secession of Upstate New York on this the 23rd of February, the year of our Lord 2001.
It is an inevitable question. But I almost dread it. On the streets I am asked, "Your country?" often enough, and I answer "America" quickly and easily. No problem. Initially I would say "the United States" but that was often met with blank stares. I can adapt to problems that have solutions.
But there is no recourse when someone asks me, "What is your state?" I can only say, "New York." And with those two words the truth is irretrievably lost.
"Aww, yes, New York City. It is very big," is the stock response.
"Indeed it is, but I'm not from the city. I've only visited it once. It's 300 miles away from me."
"I have a brother who lives in Brooklyn. Do you know Prospect Park?"
"No, I really don't know New York City very well."
"Is the traffic in New York City as bad as it is in Dhaka?"
At this point I usually draw a map of New York State on the board clearly marking the location of New York City and the location of Rochester. But that is of little use. I have been branded the "English teacher from New York, the metropolis of America." There is no escape.
Somedays I'd like to just lie and say I'm from Wyoming. But then I'd lose the heritage I love. I'd lose the Erie Canal song! What would I sing in class?
So lying isn't the answer. No, there is only one solution. Upstate New York must secede from the city.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against New York City. I really enjoyed my single 2-day visit. But I still look forward to the day I can announce in my class that I am a proud resident of the state of Niagara.
Sure, people will just associate that name with Niagara Falls, but I do live near that.
-DB.
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